Relationships are like a dance. Sometimes the dance is smooth like the waltz with fluid movements, in sync, beautiful and together. Sometimes it is like the tango where there is pushing and pulling like a tug of war with give and take movements. When we get into the more jerky movements like the tango, sometimes we can start “keeping score” in our relationship. We make it very transactional and want an “eye for an eye” or “tooth for a tooth.” If you notice yourself in this type of relationship, here are 3 things to consider:
1. Your brain is just trying to keep you safe from threats, even in a healthy relationship. It’s doing what brains do. Looking for problems to solve and ways to keep you alive.
2. You have a choice. You can keep up the tango or choose the waltz.
3. Consider that you and those you are in relationships with are doing their best. You are both giving it your all. That their contributions to your relationship are valuable and enough, and that relationships are not transactional. We don’t always see what the other person’s contributions are.
Albert Einstein said, “Many of the things you can count, do not count. Many of the things you cannot count, really do count.”
The intent, desire, and heart is what counts, and that can’t be “counted”
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